WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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