she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
