Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have aggressive nipples.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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