One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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