Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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