I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
