you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
