great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
