some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
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