Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
