I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My breasts were aching with rage.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
