just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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