I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
