just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
