so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
