what day is it and did you see me today?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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