if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
