no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
