Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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