I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
