Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
