this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
should my penis look like a turkey
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
