I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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