i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
