Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
