the new term for farting is butt boxing.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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