there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
