i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
