you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
