You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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