I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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