He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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