never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
