That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
