she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
