with your own penis?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
