you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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