remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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