Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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