Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
