And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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