mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
