WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
