i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
