I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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