the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm like, not good at living.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
