Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
