I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
