woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
