my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
