ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
