I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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