life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
