i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
